Slick, Senior, Sentences: 9-24 Homework
It was a discussion with Amy Tan while on tour with the Rock Bottom Remainders (a band of writers) that inspired Stephen King to write his book On Writing. "No one ever asks about the language," Tan said in response to King's query about the sorts of questions that she doesn't get at author appearances.
Well, then, Amy, if you're reading this, we love the way you use words, and really don't care as much about your stories. No offense. You see, we're taking a creative and critical writing class this year and we do care about the language.
Your senior classmates have provided some sentences that show a clever use of the English language, like Amy Tan and Stephen King, maybe even a "rage for words." Take a close look at each sentence and tell me what rhetorical "trick" gives these words "life" beyond their mere literal meanings.
What do I mean by a rhetorical trick?
Words come to life when they're arranged in figures of speech (metaphors, similes, paradoxes, oxymorons, personification, etc), concrete images (imagery like sight, sound, taste, touch, or smell), or sound patterns (alliteration, assonance, etc.). Writers who use the best word for appropriate connotation know the difference between "lightning" and the "lightning bug," as Mark Twain said.
Writing certain sentence patterns (parallel structure, rhetorical questions, strong opening line) add emphasis. Using concrete nouns and crisp action verbs (or motion picture verbs) even in normal everyday prose can kick-start a sentence. Using an exact quotation of clever dialogue within a story can provide a relief from the narrator's voice by placing the reader right at the scene.
Writing certain sentence patterns (parallel structure, rhetorical questions, strong opening line) add emphasis. Using concrete nouns and crisp action verbs (or motion picture verbs) even in normal everyday prose can kick-start a sentence. Using an exact quotation of clever dialogue within a story can provide a relief from the narrator's voice by placing the reader right at the scene.
The Greeks called this creation of powerful language "rhetoric." It was once a studied, practiced, and revered skill of the Greek citizenry. These days, readers of fiction and poetry still admire the use of artful language, but in politics, the user of rhetoric often gets suspicious looks because rhetoric is often associated with unctuous politicians or ambitious advertisers who are selling themselves or their products.
Your senior classmates have provided some good, solid sentences worthy of closer inspection and analysis.Analyze each sentence to discover and then label the "rhetorical trick."
Post your "answers" on the blog, giving your initials and section color, of course (the first sentence is an example of what I'd like you to do). Some of these sentences will appear as questions on your first test.
"When we arrived in Chicago, we could breathe the music."[music is compared to air, a metaphor] john f purple
Work with these sentences or groups of sentences:
- I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
- Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
- Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
- I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
- For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
- Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
- Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
- Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
- I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
- Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
- Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
- My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
- I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
- My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
- There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
- Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
- My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
- He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
- I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
- Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
- I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
- It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
- “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
- If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
- I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
posted by JTF @ 12:38 PM
36 comments
36 Comments:
1.I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
(crinkling – motion picture verb)
2.Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
(crisp action verb –ushered)
3.Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
(metaphor, comparing pain to growth)
4.I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
( alliteration – squatted/suffocated/stench/spray)
5.For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
(simile – direct comparison of his brother and clay)
6.Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
(metaphor – comparing herself to a lotus flower)
7.Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
(rhetorical question)
8.Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
(alliteration six/shared/shell)
9.I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
(metaphor- the writer compared him/herself to a puppet)
10.Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
(parallel structure, metaphor of a grade and a person’s character)
11.Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
(two separate similes contrasting each other)
12.My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
(paradox)
13.I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
(crisp, powerful action verb – metamorphosize)
14.My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
(clever dialogue )
15.There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
16.Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
(parallel structure)
17.My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
(dam of determination – alliteration, powerful metaphor between the sea and their emotion)
18.He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
(clever dialogue, relief)
19.I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
(metaphor – comparing life to a game/sport)
20.Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
(short, grabs attention, power of 4)
21.I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
(concrete imagery – you can feel the love)
22.It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
(parallel structure)
23.“An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
(rhetorical question + clever dialogue)
24.If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
(powerful dialogue, good imagery, compares pain to fire)
25.I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
(meshed together into a cohesive babble – concrete noun/ crisp action verb)
1. strong verbs: crinkling burrowed; imagery “burrowed my face deep into her chest.”
2. alliteration: ushered & unfamiliar
3. parallel structure
4. alliteration: squatted, suffocated, stench, wedge & wall; motion picture verb: roaming
5. simile comparing bullied brother to the clay work of an artist
6. parallel structure
7. rhetorical question
8. metaphor: shell compared w/ brace; alliteration: shared; shell
9. parallel structure; metaphor b/w breaking the strings and living freely after
10. parallel structure: I can’t remove vs. I removed
11. onomatopoeia: buzzing metaphors: comparing students to bees and turtles
12. words with richly appropriated connotations: stark & grit
13. created strong verb: metamorphosize; alliteration: endocrine expert
14. listing; dialogue; motion picture verb: shoots
15. parallel structure
16. paradox: little vs big; rich word: glimpse
17. metaphor: dam of determination; sea of fear
18. dialogue; rich word: swiftly
19. metaphor: compares life to playing field
20. sentence length (fragmented) strong verbs & concrete nouns
21. listing power of 3’s
22. parallel structure (takes a strong person… even stronger person.) immensely = great adj; falter- strong verb
23. rhetorical questions; dialogue; interesting structure: “miserable—and broke—“
24. vivid description; dialogue
25. strong verbs & concrete nouns; rich words: “wide-eyed attentiveness” “meshed” “cohesive babble”
1.I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. [sympathetic eyes crinkling, imagery] Lizzy F purple
2.Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. [faces ushering, crisp action verbs] LF
3.Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. [pain shrinking, personification] LF
4.I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. [wedged between a wall and people, imagery] LF
5.For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. [comparing bullying changing their brother to an artist with clay] LF
6.Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. [comparing a Lotus flower to themselves, a metaphor] LF
7.Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? [this is an example of a rhetoric question] LF
8.Another six months had to be shared with the shell. [six, shared, and shell, alliteration] LF
9.I broke the strings, and now I live freely. [breaking the stings, imagery] LF
10.Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. [removing the F, imagery] LF
11.Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. [comparing students to bees and turtles, a simile] LF
12.My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. [smiles and grit, oxymoron] LF
13.I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. [essentially, endoctrine, and expert, alliteration] LF
14.My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" [Shooting off the order, quotation]LF
15.There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. [feeling in the stomach, concrete image] LF
16.Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. [strong sentence] LF
17.My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. [fear flooding them, personification] Lizzy F purple
18.He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. [listing what he said, parallel structure] Lizzy F purple
19.I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. [comparing a playing field to life, metaphor] Lizzy F purple
20.Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) [Whining and crying are examples of parallel structure] Lizzy F purple
21.I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. [listing their home environment and feeling, parallel structure] Lizzy F purple
22.It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. [strong, stronger, and smile, alliteration] Lizzy F purple
23.“An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” [ The questions are example of rhetoric} Lizzy F purple
24.If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” [repeating someone’s exact words, this is an example of quotation] Lizzy F purple
25.I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. [languages meshing together, personification] Lizzy f purple
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
(crinkling with reassurance is a motion picture description)
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
(ushered-unfamiliar alliteration)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
(parallel structure)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
(squatted-suffocated-stench-spray alliteration; wedged-wall alliteration)
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
(creative simile)
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
(metaphor- he/she is a lotus flower)
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
(rhetorical question)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
(shared-shell alliteration; the shell is a metaphor for the brace)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
(breaking the strings metaphor)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
(F branded on my character metaphor)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
(similes of bees and turtles)
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
(stark contrast of smiles and grit is motion picture description)
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
(endocrine-expert alliteration)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
(creative dialogue)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
(slurpee metaphor for feeling and mommy metaphor for grandmother?)
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
(parallel structure)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
(metaphors galore; dam-determination alliteration; fear-flooding alliteration)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
(clever dialogue)
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
(rules of living and playing field of life metaphors)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
(good opening line because its short, and gripping; power of threes or fours)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
(power of 3s; parallel structure)
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
(parallel structure)
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
(clever dialogue, short fragments, and rhetorical questions)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
(creative dialogue)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
(wide-eyed attentiveness is motion picture description; cohesive babble is paradox)
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. (good descriptive verbs- crinkling/burrowed)
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. (alliteration- ushered/unfamiliar)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. (assonance- although/growing and body/not)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. (alliteration- swatted/suffocated/stench/spray)
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (metaphor- brother changing is being compared to an artist molding clay)
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. (metaphor- comparing a flower to a person)
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? (alliteration- shooting/stars; rhetorical question)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell. (alliteration- six, shared, shell)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely. (metaphor- comparing breaking strings to being free)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. (good ending phrase- ‘branded on my character’)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. (good sound verb- buzzing; metaphor- comparing turtles to slow students)
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. (alliteration- start/smiles)
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. (assonance-essentially/endocrine/expert)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" (dialog)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. (capitalization- Slurpee)
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. (cause and effect)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. (alliteration- dam/determination and fear/from/flooding)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. (good adjective- swiftly)
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. (metaphor- comparing life to a field)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) (fragment, but interests the reader and draws them in to read more)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. (parallel structure)
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. (consonance-takes/immensely/person/his)
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” (rhetorical question)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” (dialog)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. (good verb, adjective, and noun- meshed/cohesive/babble)
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. (“crinkling” strong action verb)
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. (assonance “u”)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. (paradox -not growing, shrinking)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. (parallel structure)
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (metaphor, comparing the way he changed to the way an artist changes clay)
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. (metaphor, comparing herself to the commonality of a lotus flower)
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? (rhetorical question)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell. (alliteration “sh”)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely. (metaphor, comparing himself or herself to being controlled like a puppet)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. (paradox; metaphor comparing her failing class to her flawed character)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. (metaphor comparing students to bees and turtles)
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. (alliteration “s”, strong description)
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. (created a new, enticing word; alliteration “e”)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" (use of dialogue)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. (concrete imagery, parallel structure)
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. (paradox – little, bigger)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. (metaphor, determination compared to the firmness of a dam)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. (parallel structure)
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. (metaphor, comparing life to a playing field)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) (fragment, power of 4s, parallel structure)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. (parallel structure)
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. (parallel structure)
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” (use of dialogue)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” (use of dialogue)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. (strong action verbs, strong description)
1.(motion picture verb-“crinkling” in place of squinting)
2.(motion picture verb-“ushered”, descriptive adjectives-“strange and unfamiliar”, alliteration-“ushered” and “unfamiliar” )
3.(concrete image of sight with the word “growing”
4.(alliteration-“squatted”, “suffocated”, and “stench”; “wedged” and “wall”; concrete image of smell-“stench of hair spray”)
5.(alliteration-“brother” and “bullying”; simile-“as an artist shapes clay”)
6.(Conceit-comparing oneself to a lotus flower)
7.(alliteration-“shooting” and “stars”, rhetorical question)
8.(Alliteration-“six”, “shared” and “shell”)
9.(personification-strings of life)
10.(metaphor-removing F on character in place of his report card)
11.(simile-“students like bees”; motion picture verb-“buzzing”; simile-“other like turtles”; alliteration-“simply” and “slow”)
12.(oxymoron-“smiles and grit”)
13.(motion picture verb-“metamorphosize”; alliteration-“endocrine” and “expert”)
14.(concrete image of sight with food)
15.(strong opening line, I want to know what is happening in this situation)
16.(concrete imagery of great reward)
17.(“sea of fear”-personification; alliteration-“dam” and “determination”)
18.(repetition-“paid”)
19.(simile-comparing rules of living to playing field of life)
20.(Strong opening line because it prefaces a person or group of people who live a negative way of life; alliteration-“temper” and “tantrums”
21.(alliteration-“wake” and “warm”, strong words “humbled” and “unconditionally”)
22.(motion picture verb-“falter”)
23.(whole sentence is a rhetorical question)
24.(concrete imagery of a mans arm on fire and not being able to put it out-comparing to immense pain)
25.(motion picture verb-“babble”, “meshed”)
1.Burrowed is a motion picture verb. Crinkling with reassurance creates a vivid image.
2.Personification of the faces ushering the narrator in.
3. Paradox, comparing growth to decreasing pain.
4.Alliteration with squatted, suffocated, stench and spray. Also, with wedged and wall.
5.Simile, comparing brother to artist.
6.Metaphor of lotus flower and author.
7.Alliteration with shooting stars. Rhetorical question.
8. Alliteration of six, shared, and shell.
9.Paints an image of strings breaking.
10.Paradox of F being branded on character. Alliteration with been and branded.
11.Simile comparing students to bees and turtles.
12.The way "stark contrast of smiles and grit" sounds draws your attention.
13.Alliteration of essentially, endocrine, and expert.
14.Use of quotations to put the reader right at the scene.
15.Concrete verbs and contrasting situations.
16.Describing a "glimpse of a difference". Good noun to use.
17.Metaphor comparing determination and fear to a dam and the sea.
18.Using a quote to bring reader into the setting.
19.Metaphor comparing a game to life.
20.This is a good line because it is unusual and draws the readers' attention.
21.Creates a warm and fuzzy feeling for the reader.
22.Creates an image of a strong and positive person.
23.Quotations show the reactions of other people about the narrator's dream.
24.Quotation helps with setting and the words he says create a vivid and terrifying image of pain.
25. Creates a sound image of all of the languages mixing.
1.I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. [good sight imagery, I could feel the emotion]
2.Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. [assonance with the “u” in ushered and unfamiliar]
3.Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. [parallelism and antithesis]
4.I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. [good imagery]
5.For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. [interesting and effective simile, also imagery]
6.Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. [The author compares his/herself to a lotus flower; metaphor]
7.Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? [alliteration “shooting stars”]
8.Another six months had to be shared with the shell. [assonance with the “sh” sound with shared and shell]
9.I broke the strings, and now I live freely. [metaphor]
10.Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. [sounds like an opening line; strong, introduces a topic, and creates room for explanation of an overcoming of sorts]
11.Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. [use of simile comparing students to bees and turtles]
12.My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. [oxymoron; smiles and grit don’t exactly go together]
13.I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. [alliteration with endocrine expert]
14.My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" [Imagery, being able to see the setting of food service, the demanding customer, and being able to picture the items listed]
15.There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. [parallel structure]
16.Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. [paradox: difference/reward]
17.My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. [metaphor and imagery]
18.He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. [motion picture verbs]
19.I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. [metaphor]
20.Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) [ A combination of similar acts that makes the reader ask why someone would open a paper like this? Grabs your attention]
21.I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. [concrete images]
22.It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. [parallel structure]
23.“An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” [A strong quote to put in, because it expresses doubt in the person’s quote, yet you could prove why the quote is not true]
24.If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” [amazing imagery…feeling as if your arm is on fire]
25.I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. [concrete nouns and verbs]
1.I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. (sympathetic, crinkling, reassurance, burrowed- good word choice)
2.Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. (ushered- good word choice)
3.Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. (good syntax)
4.I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. (squatted, suffocated, wedged, roaming-good word choice)
5.For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (brother bullied like artist manipulates clay- simile)
6.Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. (Lotus flower is a person writing an essay- personification)
7.Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? (rhetorical question, good word choice)
8.Another six months had to be shared with the shell. (shared and shell- alliteration)
9.I broke the strings, and now I live freely. (good allusion and syntax)
10.Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. (F branded on my character- good way of describing your emotion)
11.Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. (students like bees, and others like turtles- simile)
12.My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. (stark contrast of smiles and grit- good word choice)
13.I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. (metamorphosize into an endocrine expert- good word choice)
14.My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" (effective list and input of quotation, also good intro into the quote)
15.There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. (good syntax)
16.Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. (glimpse- good word choice, sentence has good way or portraying emotion)
17.My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. (determination being compared to a dam and fear compared to a sea- metaphor)
18.He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. (swiftly- good word choice, good syntax)
19.I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. (good syntax)
20.Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) (captures your attention and makes you want to read more to understand the importance of this)
21.I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. (humbled- good word choice, good syntax)
22.It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. (immensely & never let his smile falter- good word choice)
23.“An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” (choppy but gets the point and emotion across)
24.If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” (good quote)
25.I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. (wide-eyed attentiveness, meshed, cohesive, babble- good word choices)
1.I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. -imagery: sight
2.Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. -personification: faces don't usher?
3.Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. -parallelism, also antithesis
4.I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. -alliteration: squatted, suffocated, stench, wedged, and wall. Also crisp action verbs: squatted, suffocated, wedged, roaming.
5.For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. -simile comparing changed brother to manipulated clay
6.Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. -metaphor comparing author to a flower
7.Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? -alliteration: shooting, stars; rhetorical question
8.Another six months had to be shared with the shell. -assonance: shared, shell
9.I broke the strings, and now I live freely. -metaphor
10.Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. -parallel structure, verb choice-branded
11.Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. -simile: students to bees and turtles
12.My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. -alliteration stark, smiles; oxymoron
13.I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. -alliteration: endocrine, expert
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" -alliteration starving and shoots, great use of quote and parentheses to capture how client said words puts you right into the story
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. -parallel structure: no Slurpee, and no Mommy
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. -antithesis: little a person : bigger my
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. -alliteration: dam, determination, fear, from, flooding; metaphor: dam to determination and sea to fear
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. -parallel structure
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. -metaphor of life to playing field
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) -parallel structure, grabs reader's attention you become curious and want to keep reading
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. -parallel structure
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. -alliteration stronger, and smile ; strong verb-falter
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” -quotation places reader in story.
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” -strong quotation
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. -strong word choice: cohesive, babble, attentiveness, wide-eyed, and meshed
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
good imagery, nice action verbs
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
nice alliteration
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
good contrast and structure
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
strong image and s- alliteration, verbs set the tone
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
interesting metaphor, concrete image
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
extended metaphor of lotus flower and author set up a strong concrete image
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
good use of rhetorical question, love the phrase “hopeful grab”
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
good alliteration of “sh”
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
good metaphor, strong concrete imagery of an abstract concept
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
strong sentence structure, gets point across nicely
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
good use of simile and several alliterations
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
interesting contrast of adjectives, concise image
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
metamorphosize is a strong action verb, e- alliteration is nice
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
the orders flow well, the long sentence followed by the short “thank you” adds humor, good sentence structure
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
the contrast of expectation and reality is strong
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
good contrast of little glimpse and big reward
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
great metaphor, solid comparison. Good alliteration
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
the structure adds to the humor of the sentence, it’s an entire anecdote in one sentence which is difficult to do but executed well
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
good metaphor
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
as an opening line, it sets the tone and image immediately for the reader
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
parallel structure is great
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
contrast is strong, enhanced by structure
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
series of rhetorical questions is a strong literary device executed well here
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.
dialogue is really strong, adds much to the sentence, plus the use of the concrete image of fire is an image that will stick with the reader
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
good imagery of language, tone of awe is displayed well
1.Imagery; Strong words ‘crinkling’ describes the eyes and “burrowed” describes the action
2. Personification of faces ushering author.
3. Paradox comparing growth with decreasing pain
4. Alliteration; squatted, suffocated, stench, spray as well as wedged and wall
5. Simile comparing bullying to manipulation of an artist’s work
6. Metaphor comparing the author to a lotus flower
7. Rhetorical question posing the question why the opportunities haven’t been attempted
8. Metaphor comparing the back brace to a turtle shell
9. Metaphor comparing the strings to bands holding the author back
10. Alliteration; been and branded as well as paradox of ‘F’ being branded on character
11.Simile comparing students to bees and students to turtles
12. Strong words “stark” and “grit” draw attention
13. Alliteration; essentially, endocrine, and expert
14. Clever dialogue to set scene
15. Concrete verbs as well as contrasting situations
16. Strong nouns - description of little glimpse of a difference
17. Metaphor comparing a dam to determination and fear to the sea
18. Dialogue
19. Metaphor comparing life to sports
20. Attention grabbing, power of threes
21. Power of threes.
22. Illustrates image of strong and optimistic person
23. Dialogue
24. Dialogue
25. Creates audio in readers head of all languages mixing
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
• Good sentence structure, able to visualize
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
• Nice word choice
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
•
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
• Great visualization
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
• Use of simile comparing the brother to an artist
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
• Personification, saying a Lotus flower is a writer
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
• Rhetorical Question
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
• Good sentence structure
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
• Easy visualization, I like the word choice
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
• You can tell the writer is meaningful and has changed his/her path
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
• Simile, I like the visual and comparison
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
• Good choice of words
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
• Excellent word choice, good sentence structure
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
• I can hear the voice in my head, good visualization
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
• I can feel the worry, good choice of words
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
• Good sentence structure
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
• Metaphor, the writer says his/her sense of composure is like a dam, origonal
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
• Good visualization
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
• I like how the writer compared a relatable subject of sports and cooperated it into the rules of living
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
• It makes you interested in what the writer has to write about
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
• Nice choice of words, you can feel the gratitude the writer has
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
• Good visualization, strong emotion
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
• Rhetorical questions, you can tell the writer is upset by the words being said
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
• You can feel the pain, good sentence
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
• Very good choice of words, you can feel the confusion of the writer
1. crinkling, burrowed are good motion picture verbs
2. good imagery, ushered is a motion picture verb, strange has a negative connotation giving the sentence a sinister tone
3. metaphor, personification: pain shrinking
4. squatted, suffocated, wedged, roaming are motion picture verbs; stench and mob have a negative connotation
5. simile: artist manipulating clay compared to a bully
6. unexpected, lotus flower as a metaphor
7. shooting stars as a metaphor
8.personification: sharing time with a shell
9. metaphor, descriptive concrete sentence
10. metaphor: report cards and character, branded is a motion picture verb
11. simile: students compared to bees and turtles
12. descriptive, funny, and concrete sentence (stark contrast, grit)
13.metaphorphosize is a great motion picture verb, endocrine expert is alliteration
14. starving, shoots are motion picture verbs, the list is comical because of the parentheses
15. tone of uncertainty, child-like grammer
16. well written sentence overall
17. metaphor: dam for determination, sea for fear
18. swiftly is a motion picture adjective, humorous connotation
19. metaphor: rules of life and playing field of life
20. draws the reader in, funny connotation, temper tantrums is alliteration
21. parallel construction of the list
22. good sentence overall, “let his smile falter”
23. humorous connotation, questions, biting adjectives (miserable, broke)
24. simile of the fire and pain, good use of quote
25. concrete and descriptive (wide-eyed), meshed is a motion picture verb, cohesive babble is a paradox
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
(strong motion picture verbs)
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
(motion picture verb “ushered”. alliteration with “ushered” and “unfamiliar”)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
(parallel structure. Antithesis with “growing” and “shrinking”)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
(alliteration with “squatted”, “suffocated” , “stench” and “wedged”, “wall” )
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
(simile that compares the way his/her brother changed to the way an artist manipulates clay)
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
(metaphor. Compares author to a lotus flower)
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
(strong rhetorical question)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
(alliteration with “six” “shared” and “shell”)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
(metaphor. Compares breaking the strings to breaking free in life)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
(parallel sentence structure)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
(simile that compares students to bees and turtles)
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
(strong, concrete nouns and verbs)
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
(alliteration with “endocrine expert”. Strong verb “metamorphosize”)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
(strong usage of a quotation)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
(parallel structure)
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
(antithesis parallelism with “little glimpse” and “bigger reward”)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
(metaphor. Author compares their determination to a dam)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
(clever, humorous explanation of dialogue)
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
(metaphor. compares life to a playing field)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
(strong use of motion picture verbs and concrete nouns. Grabs attention)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
(parallel structure)
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
(parallel structure. Strong verb “falter”)
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
(use of specific dialogue to highlight a point)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
(strong use of dialogue to provide a description)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
(excellent oxymoron “cohesive babble”.)
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. (action verb, and imagery- burrowed)
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. (imagery- faces)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. (paradox- not growing to shrinking)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. (Imagery- picture sitting there while this is all taking place, alliteration- s words)
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (similie- bullying to an artist clay)
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. (conceit- extended metaphor of lotus to the author)
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? (rhetorical question- draw attention)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell. (metaphor- back brace to shell)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely. (paradox- broke and free)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. (parallel structure- good closing line- F there but removed)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. ( metaphor and parallel structure, imagery- children compared to bees and turtles)
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. ( concrete imagery
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. (action verbs- metamorphosize)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" (imagery- sound and sight- client giving order of food and saying it)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. ( parallel structure- mother to gmom and slurpee to feeling)
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. (paradox- glimpse to bigger reward)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. (alliteration- dam of determination, imagery- sea)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. (long sentence – parallel structure)
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. (metaphor- life as a game- rules and playing)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?- fragment)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. (parallel structure- 3 distinct images that fit together)
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. (parallel structure- person to person)
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” (quotation- shows power of speaker)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” (imagery- fire)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. ( imagery- sound- languages to a babble)
I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
-personifying eyes as sympathetic, good image
Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
-good use of the word ushered, personifying faces ushering
Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
-syntax and parallel structure
I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
- S sounds, good image
For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
-good simile
Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
-good use of short sentences
8. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
-rhetorical question, image
Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
- S sounds
I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
- sentence structure
Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
- metaphor, parallelism
Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
-similes
My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
-image and word choice
I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
-E sounds and word choice
My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
-imagery, syntax, I LIKE the exclamation point.
There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
- image
Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
-metaphor
He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
-syntax, parallel (ish)
I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
-metaphor, image
Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
-grabs attention, makes reader question why and what
I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
-parallel structure
It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
-syntax, repetition
“An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
-rhetorical questions, fragments, dialogue
If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
-image, metaphor
I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
-word choice, description, image
1. Eyes crinkling gives a good visual image
2. Ushered is a crisp action verb
3. Paradox; the comparison between pain and growth
4. Squatted and suffocated work well together in the sentence pattern
5. Nice use of simile
6. Comparison and reference to the author
7. Imagery
8. Has nice rhythm
9. Interesting figure of speech
10. Branded is an excellent use of action words
11. Bees buzzing and slow turtles are clear uses of imagery
12. ‘Stark contrast of smiles and grit’ gives a clear picture of the nurse in a pithy sentence
13. Use of metamorphosize tells of a strong, fast transformation; sentence structure
14. Sentence structure is made stronger by the use of parenthesis
15. Strong parallelism
16. Little-big; informs the reader of a transformation
17. Rhythm of ‘dam of determination’; use of imagery
18. ‘Swiftly added’; chain of events help the reader develop a clear picture of the ‘he’; sentence structure is strong
19. Compares life to a playing field, appropriate and understandable comparison that anyone could make about her/his life
20. Peeks interest, immediately engages the reader
21. Use of the rhetorical skill ‘magic threes’
22. ‘Smile falter’; strong action verb
23. ‘Miserable- and broke-‘ creates humor with the help of the sentence structure
24. Violently strong imagery, ‘exact words’ tells how acute the pain is; exact quotation adds to the overall strength of the sentence
25. ‘Cohesive babble’ gives the reader the exact noise the author is hearing; sound patterns
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. ( strong action verbs: crinkling and burrowed) David A Purple
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. (good opening sentence) David A Purple
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. (paradox: shrinking and growing are opposites) David A Purple
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. (concrete images) David A Purple
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (simile: bullying to clay) David A Purple
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. (metaphor: saying she is a lotus flower) David A Purple
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? (rhetorical question) David A Purple
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell. (alliteration) David A Purple
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely. (metaphor) David A Purple
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.(paradox: still got an F grade) David A Purple
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. (simile: comparing students to bees and turtles) David A Purple
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. (metaphor: Renee to smiles and grits) David A Purple
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. (strong action verb) David A Purple
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" (exact quotation) David A Purple
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. (concrete nouns) David A Purple
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. (strong sentence) David A Purple
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. (personification: sea of fear) David A Purple
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. (anaphora) David A Purple
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. (strong sentence) David A Purple
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) (Opening sentence makes you want to read more) David A Purple
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. (concrete nouns and verbs) David A Purple
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. (strong sentence structure) David A Purple
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” (exact quotation, rhetorical question) David A Purple
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” (exact quotation) David A Purple
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. (concrete nouns) David A Purple
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. (personification because her eyes are sympathetic)
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. (alliteration-ushered and unfamiliar)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. (strong opening line)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. (imagery and alliteration)
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (simile comparing bullying to art)
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. (strong opening line)
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? (rhetorical question)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell. (alliteration with the letter s)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely. (careful use of dialogue)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. (careful use of dialogue)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. (simile comparing students to bees or turtles)
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. (parallel structure-order of words)
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. (metaphor and parallel structure)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" (exact quotation)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. (parallel structure)
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. (concrete nouns)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. (the word choice and metaphor comparing determination to a dam)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. (careful use of dialogue)
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. (parallel structure, word choice)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) (listing-power of 3s/4s)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. (imagery, strong opening line)
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. (word choice-falter)
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” (exact quotation)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” (exact quotation)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. (parallel structure-order of words, imagery)
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
(imagery: the feeling from burrowing; motion picture verb: crinkling
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
(personification: faces ushered is abstract; alliteration: ushered and unfamiliar)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
(parallelism: body and pain corresponding; antithesis: growing and shrinking)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
(alliteration: suffocated stench and spray, wedged and wall; imagery: an I’m there feeling)
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
(simile: as )
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
(metaphor: author is a lotus
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
(alliteration: shooting stars; rhetorical question: ?)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
(alliteration: six shared shell; personification: shell like a person)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
(metaphor: didn’t really break strings)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
(parallel structure: f in both spots)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
(simile: like )
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
(oxymoron: smiles and grit)
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
(portmanteau: metamorphosize; alliteration: endocrine expert)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
(good quotation)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
(parallel structure: no slurpee no mommy
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
(parallel structure: lives)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
(metaphor: dam)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
(imagery: adding on extra words to get the image or point across)
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
(metaphor: playing field of life)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
(It’s a good opening line because it’s a fragment. It catches your attention.)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
(parallel structure: ; alliteration: humbled have home
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
(parallel structure: two people)
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
(good quotation: break from the narrator; rhetorical question: ?)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
(good quotation: break in narrator; metaphor: arm not really on fire)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
(imagery: wide-eyed attentiveness; juxtaposition: cohesive babble)
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. (strong action verbs- crinkling and burrowed)
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. (assonance with the “u”)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. (contradiction because the body grows larger and the pain is shrinking)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. (alliteration with the “s”)
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (metaphor with clay)
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. (strong imagery with the lotus flower)
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? (concrete image with the shooting star)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell. (alliteration with the “s”)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely. (concrete image with a strong action verb- broke)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. (strong image and action verbs- branded)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. (simile with “like turtles”)
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. (concrete image of what the nurse looks like)
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. (strong action verb- metamorphosize)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" (alliteration with the “c” in crisp chicken)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. (parallel structure)
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. (contrasting with “glimpse” and “bigger reward”)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. (alliteration with the “d” in dam and determination)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. (parallel structure)
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. (field of life is a metaphor)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) (strong words that intrigue the reader)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. (power of threes)
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. (strong action verb- falter)
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” (good quotation)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” (strong quotation that plays a key role)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. (good word choice with “wide-eyed”, “meshed” and “cohesive babble”
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
[imagery – crinkling eyes, burrow face deep; anthropomorphism? – eyes crinkling with reassurance]
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
[personification – faces can’t actually usher someone; alliteration – ushered & unfamiliar]
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
[parallelism – body growing, pain shrinking; antithesis – body isn’t growing but pain is shrinking]
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
[alliteration – squatted, stench, suffocated & wedged, wall; imagery – squat, stench, wedge, mob, roaming]
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
[simile – brother changing like artist manipulates clay]
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
[metaphor – the author is a lotus flower]
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
[rhetorical question; exaggeration – can’t grab a star]
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
[alliteration – six, shared, shell; can’t share time with an object, or at all]
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
[metaphor – breaking strings allows one to live]
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
[chiasmus – can’t remove F on report card but can remove the F on character; exaggeration – F can’t be branded on character]
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
[simile – children like bees and turtles]
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
[cacophony – stark, grit; imagery – stark, smiles, grit]
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
[alliteration – endocrine expert; portmanteau – metamorphosize?]
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
[quote is aphorism – expects her demands to immediately be met]
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
[parallel structure – no slurpee, no mommy, & worried grandmother, unfamiliar feeling]
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
[parallel structure – two lives & sentence up to “… person’s life” serves as template for the rest of sentence structurally]
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
[metaphor – dam of determination, sea of fear]
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
[amplification – adds in that he didn’t get paid enough (at all) to emphasize point; parallelism – laughed, said, added, explained]
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
[metaphor – rules of living, game of life]
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
[good opening line – “motion picture” verbs, firm nouns. Offer imagery to set up the scene]
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
[power of 3 – wake up, have food, come home]
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
[parallelism – strong adjectives before same noun & a verb that has a description after it]
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
[caesura – break to say “and broke” to emphasize the seriousness]
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
[metaphor – “it” hurts as badly as having your arm lit on fire & not being able to put it out]
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
[imagery – wide-eyed attentiveness; juxtaposition – cohesive babble?]
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
- Strong verbs – crinkling, burrowed
- Like – sympathetic eyes with reassurance
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
- Strong verb – ushered
- Like – strange faces, unfamiliar room
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
- Good use of words for comparison
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
- Strong verbs – squatted, suffocated, wedged, roaming
- Like – stench of hair spray, mob of people
- Alliteration – squatted, suffocated, stench
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
- Good metaphor
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
- Good metaphor/comparison
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
- Like – hopeful grab, like the message that gives
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
- Good imagery
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
- Good metaphor, conveys an inspiring message
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
- Good use of words for comparison
- Strong verb - branded
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
- Simile
- Good verb/onomatopoeia - buzzing
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
- Strong adverb/verb – stark contrast
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
- Strong verbs – rework, metamorphosize
- Good metaphor
- Like – endocrine expert
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
- Strong verb – shoots
- Good details
15. There was no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
- Conveys an emotion, good details
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
- Like – glimpse of a difference
- Good comparison between how making a difference in another person’s like can make a difference in their own
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
- Like – dam of deamination, sea of fear
- Strong verbs, flooding and overwhelming
- Paradox
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
- Good adverb/verb –swiftly added
- Good use of words to get to a point
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
- Good metaphor
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
- States the main focus of the essay right out in the beginning
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
- Creates a good image/feeling
- Like – humbled, warm bed, family that loves me unconditionally
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
- Good adverb/verb – immensely strong, falter
- Metaphor
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be -miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
- Sentence structure/fragments and brakes add exaggeration and create a feeling
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
- Metaphor
- Good imagery, creates feeling
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
- Like – wide-eyed attentiveness, cohesive babble
- Metaphor
- Good verb - meshed
1.I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest. (Great use of imagery to provide vivid description.)
2.Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room. (Good rhythm. Strange and unfamiliar set the tone for the story.)
3.Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking. (Body growth is used to emphasize pain)
4.I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel. (imagery is used to with the stench of hair spray, and this sentence paints a mental picture)
5.For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (a life change is compared to an artist manipulating clay- metaphor)
6.Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay. (strong and to the point, self-appraisal)
7.Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab? (grabbing shooting stars is a hyperbole used to emphasize the point)
8.Another six months had to be shared with the shell. (good rhythm and alliteration)
9.I broke the strings, and now I live freely. (Clever way to show how they got to live freely)
10.Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character. (The tone shows how much they value their character)
11.Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up. (student compared to bees or turtles- metaphors)
12.My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit. (the use of opposites paints a picture- paradox)
13.I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days. (good use of words such as metamorphosize shows how much they had to go through- word choice)
14.My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!" (Good dialogue)
15.There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. (By showing something unimportant like a Slurpee this adds to the impact of the important situation)
16.Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life. (good rhythm- they create a link between helping and reward)
17.My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me. (sea of fear is a good metaphor for being frightened)
18.He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us. (good rhythm, uses humor, good parallel structure)
19.I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life. (uses terms generally used for sports to describe life- comparison)
20.Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?) (Gets readers attention, quickly sets main points)
21.I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally. (Parallel structure, uses a good tone to show happiness)
22.It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter. (Good word choices- immensely and falter- to show how great this person is)
23.“An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?” (good dialogue to show the point of how the speaker felt about this person… badly)
24.If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.” (Exaggeration brings forth the feeling of immense pain)
25.I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble. (uses good metaphors to show attention and words)
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
- Her eyes are personified when it is said that they are sympathetic.
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
- Faces are personified by saying they “usher,” repeated u sound in usher and unfamiliar.
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
- Contrast of “body growing” and “pain shrinking.”
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
- Hyperbole of being suffocated, repeated letter sounds in suffocated and stench and wedged and wall.
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
- Similie comparing an artist manipulating clay to a victim of bullying.
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
- Metaphor linking a lotus flower and the author of the essay.
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
- Metaphor comparing trying to grab shooting stars and trying to do something.
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
- Personification of the shell.
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
- Metaphor comparing “strings” and something holding the author back, and breaking them and being set free.
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
- Metaphor of a grade standing for a type of character.
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
- Similie comparing students and bees and turtles, repeated letter sound with bees and buzzing and simply and slow.
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
- Contrasting words smiles and grit give a visual image of the nurse.
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
- Strong verbs and adjectives, repeated vowel sound in endocrine expert.
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
- Description of “starving” client firing off orders creates a strong visual image.
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
- Strong image created by saying “no Slurpee and no Mommy,” reinforced with the image of the worried grandmother and the unfamiliar feeling.
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
- “glimpse of a difference” is a metaphor for even a small difference.
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
- Metaphor comparing determination to a dam and fear to a sea.
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
- Use of dialogue gives a clearer image of the teacher.
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
- Metaphor, life is compared to a game with “rules” of living.
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
- Sets the scene with descriptive words and lets the reader know the tone of this paper.
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
- Use of the words “humbled,” “warm bed,” and “loves me unconditionally” show gratitude and emotion.
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
- Comparison of strong and even stronger.
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
- Use of dialogue to portray a negative character, use of dashes to make the dialogue more sharp and realistic.
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
- Strong metaphor comparing a terrible experience with having your arm set on fire and not being able to do anything about it.
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
- Strong descriptive words such as “wide-eyed attentiveness” and “cohesive babble” give an image of someone possibly learning a new language for the first time.
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
Imagery (crinkling), Motion picture verb
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
Motion picture verb (ushered)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
Parallel structure, personification (pain).
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
Alliteration, concrete imagery, motion picture verbs
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
Simile, imagery
7. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
Strong opening sentence, comparison
8. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
Imagery, motion picture verb
9. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
Alliteration
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
Metaphor, imagery
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
Parallel structure, metaphor
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
Simile, motion picture verb, imagery
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
Imagery-nurse’s personality
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
Motion picture verb, imagery.
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
Hyperbole (starving) and emphasis on her huge order. Creates imagery of the food.
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
Parallel structure, imagery.
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
Parallel structure
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
Metaphor (dam), metaphor (sea), motion picture verbs, alliteration.
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.
Visual imagery from eyes crinkling. Burrowed is a motion picture verb
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.
Ushered is a motion picture verb. It’s very descriptive and can be pictured.
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.
Parallel structure. Personification of pain.
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.
Squatted and wedged and roaming motion picture verb.
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay.
Simile. Bullying to an artist, brother to clay. Manipulate- strong verb
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
Comparing self to lotus flower. Strong opening sentence
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?
Strong imagery. Metaphor
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.
Alliteration (six, share, shell)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.
Concrete image, strong verb
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.
Strong verb; parallel structure; metaphor
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.
Similes; imagery.
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.
Strong verb; Creates image of nurse’s personality
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.
Strong motion picture verb; Visual imagery
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"
Shoots is a strong motion picture verb. Exact detail in the order. Starving (hyperbole)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.
Parallel structure; imagery
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.
Parallel structure; glimpse - good word
PART TWO
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.
Metaphor (dam; sea of fear) Alliteration (dam of determination)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
Swiftly- good adjective; Creates audio imagery
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.
Metaphor (field of life) Master- strong motion picture verb
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)
Strong motion picture (whining) Sets the tone as the opening line. Sets an image as the opening line.
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.
Creates a visual image; strong emotional sentence; good concluding sentence.
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.
Parallel structure; Falter- strong motion picture verb
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”
Strong direct quote; conveys emotion of a reaction.
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”
Creates a strong visual image for the amount of pain;
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.
Meshed- motion picture verb. Babble- strong noun. Creates an image ( wide eyed)
1. I could see her sympathetic eyes crinkling with reassurance as I burrowed my face deep into her chest.(crinkling and burrowed provide imagery)
2. Strange faces ushered me into an unfamiliar room.(faces ushered-personification)
3. Although my body might not be growing anymore, my pain is undoubtedly shrinking.(antithesis with growing and shrinking)
4. I squatted, suffocated by the stench of hair spray, wedged between the wall and the mob of people roaming the floor of the hotel.(alliteration, sense imagery, motion picture verbs)
5. For my brother, bullying changed him in ways as an artist manipulates clay. (simile. Brothers change compared to manipulating clay)
6. Lotus flowers can be found all over the world. One of them is the author of this essay.
7. Why have I allowed these shooting stars to pass without a hopeful grab?(asking a rhetorical question, use of a metaphor)
8. Another six months had to be shared with the shell.(alliteration)
9. I broke the strings, and now I live freely.(breaking strings, metaphor)
10. Even though I can't remove the F on my ninth grade report card, I can most definitely say I removed the F that had been branded on my character.(branded is being used as a metaphor)
11. Some of the students chosen to attend were like bees, buzzing around with ideas, and others like turtles just simply too slow to keep up.(simile)
12. My nurse, Renee, was a stark contrast of smiles and grit.(connotation)
13. I essentially had to rework my way of life and metamorphosize into an endocrine expert in a span of five hospital days.(assonance)
14. My first starving client shoots off orders, "I'd like a crispy chicken wrap (no ranch dressing) along with a diet Coke, a chicken quesadilla (no tomatoes) with a Bud Light for my husband, some chicken tenders and fries with lemonade (no ice) for my son. Thank you!"(dialogue, imagery)
15. There were no Slurpee and no Mommy, just a worried grandmother and an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.(parallel structure)
16. Just making a little glimpse of a difference in a person’s life creates an even bigger reward in my life.(antithesis)
17. My dam of determination just barely kept the sea of fear from flooding and overwhelming me.(alliteration and a metaphor. Metaphor being a sea of fear)
18. He laughed, said he did not get paid enough to run this class, swiftly added that he did not get paid at all, and explained the correct answer to us.
19. I realize that if you know the rules of living you will be able to master the playing field of life.(metaphor)
20. Whining, crying, bad attitudes, and temper tantrums. (why a good opening line?)(very concrete and draws your attention to the story)
21. I am humbled every morning I wake up in my warm bed, have food on the table, and come home to a family that loves me unconditionally.(parallel structure)
22. It takes an immensely strong person to be so loyal, and an even stronger one to never let his smile falter.(
23. “An artist? Why? That’s not you. You’ll be miserable—and broke—are you serious?”(dialogue)
24. If you were to ask him how badly it hurt, he would say these exact words: “Imagine someone has set your arm on fire, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t put that fire out.”(imagery)
25. I listened with wide-eyed attentiveness as the languages changed and meshed together into a cohesive babble.(motion picture, personification)
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